pooped

I really look like crap today. I didn't get one minute of sleep last night. I may be punished through science men for sleep deprivation, or it could be another death threat. I did hear that when people get ready to die, they have insomnia. I've had insomnia before. Maybe being introduced to new stress causes it.
I have my first craft festival tommorow, and I wish I could be more revived and energized today. I also feel hit hard with a depression.

A couple of random thoughts on my mind. I feel like I get a little bit of a pat on the back from last night. This:
Snakebit! Anaconda Attacks Television Host
Video: A well-known Brazilian TV personality learns the hard way that he shouldn't mess with the giant snakes in their own jungle habitat.

http://www.bing.com/videos/watch/video/untamed-and-uncut-anaconda-attacks-tv-host/p4m467f?rs=attack&from=en-us_msnhp>1=42007

I think it is pretty funny with how people react to me sometimes. In a way, I take it as a compliment with wise as a serpant and being ferocious altogether. But, I really am not going to let myself get too bigheaded over it. Like I said, I know how the world turns.
I don't have much else to say, but because I was fought with in a little bit better way, I feel depressed because I am reminded of the reason that I am depressed. Also like putting salt in my own wound on some issues.

I'd like to clarify a little bit anyway. I still deny being called a hooker. What it means to racket a work environment, which really are actual jobs, could almost be compared to socialism. Its more corrupt and controlling beyond socialism though. Rackateering is more mafia/gangster/organized crime based. There is an agenda. There are hints, stories, and info networking that go along with whatever group it is. People have the potential to twist it and call me a hooker (even though I've never slept with anyone) by being paid to work with people in their organized crime.

rack·et
an organized illegal activity, such as bootlegging or the extortion of money from legitimate business people by threat or violence.
a dishonest scheme, trick, business, activity, etc.: the latest weight-reducing racket.
Usually, the rackets. organized illegal activities: Some say that the revenue from legalized gambling supports the rackets

In addition, some info does get complicated. It is not the actual people or clients that I work for that have the sexual bonding. There have been cats, mostly in the media within the workplace that do drop hints. Especially on tv, it goes beyond hints. I will even own up to Jon Stewart and Brian Williams. Yes, I still have the nerve to ask for money after there has been stuff going on. No, I have never had sex with them, but there have been connections, affections, science of the mind games shared. I can't even describe some of it. Of all of the stuff that could go on in any workplace, why would it be ok to label someone as a hooker when they literally do their job that doesn't involve sex at all? I don't technically consider myself to be working there anymore anyway even if they still have the intern Sarah. Times are too tough right now to be on completely good terms with anyone. I am still against using sex and being a sex object as a weapon to succeed or win in the workplace. But I do see a difference between a literal hooker and using sex to succeed. I really did have an honest affection and love for them both. Brian's was more shortlived, but I obviously did not use it to succeed. It actually soured things more, and I still am against having sexual affairs with coworkers if I was in a job with someone that I was sexually attracted to.

I still hate that I feel made to condemn hookers. I am threatened by the sex object label because men do not realize what it really does to me.

No, I no longer love either of Jon Stewart or Brian. I think they are both manpigs after I have lived and learned from them.

Erin, she was in my head last night. Not in a sexual way. I felt like I was being interrogated. The simplest connections sometimes can be so forgetful. I did have an automatic reaction of a little remorse; it has already been called. However, I do not know how to put the friendship together. I havn't forgotten some of the things that have happened to me. I also havn't forgotten the competitiveness and heartbreak when we happen to be interested in the same man on some occassions. She really isn't one to be friends with; we could practically be each other's "Edy," on Desperate Housewives. Ok, maybe I wouldn't take it to that extreme, but a little bit of a thought. I could say I still love Erin as a friend in my own way, but I cannot give any forgiveness at this time right now. I don't know if I will ever.

Lastly is Steve. I think he might have been trying to say something about the cough drops. Dirty inside story, but I hate the insinuation. I really was joking when I wrote the "Paul," blog to Steve. There were too many funny pictures that were so outlandish that I had to post; I did not really want to come across as sexual harassment, but it was too funny to not post.

That is all for now.